Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
