Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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