My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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