her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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