Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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