she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
