so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
