If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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