She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
