I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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