So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
