I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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