i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
