great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
