they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's blow job season.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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