(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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