I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
