Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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