it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize