Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
