Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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