Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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