GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
