even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
