thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
