high people should be assigned attendants
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
