Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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