You really coming over, don't trick.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
