Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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