So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And then my night got REAL pukey
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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