I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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