No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
