So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
