so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
