3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
