I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
