I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I need a beard to bite.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
