here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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