mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Randomize
