Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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