i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
