So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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