the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
