i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We have so much sex to catch up on
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
