Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
