I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
