At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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