Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
