shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
