very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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