I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
