so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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