New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
why is half of my head shaved?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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