I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
